Dirt Cheap Toy Hauler

13 minute(s) of a 14 minute read

8-21-21
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Squonwerkz here, and we think it's time for an important conversation.

Let's not beat around the bush, driving your racecar to the track is fun.

Few things look as funny as a racecar mixed in with normal traffic, and as long as the track is only an hour or so away, it really ain't a big deal. Unfortunately that ain't always the case.

We've got big plans, dammit. And while driving a car like our Porsche wherever we want may be legal, it ain't practical, and it certainly ain't healthy. Age is starting to creep up on us 90s kids quick. As if that wasn't enough, my partner, Wizard Smokey, and I don't care for being easy on any of the things we build. We hit every event with the full expectation that our car probably won't drive home. We've been wrong so far, but that luck will run out eventually. The last thing we want is to risk giving anything less than 110% effort because we're worried about what will happen if we break the car.

But what kind of worry is that? The solution is simple and has been done a million times over, right? Get a truck and trailer. Bingo bango bongo! Dunski!
Well, I'm sure that's what all the smooth brains do. It's the obvious solution. Also an ungodly expensive one. Short of getting exceptionally lucky, you'll easily spend upwards of $10,000 on a truck that can tow another car, along with all the tools and parts you would want to take to a track event like the Champcar Endurance races we're planning a bimmer for. But its not like it stops there. Oh no, next you need a trailer. So what does one of those cost. 

Enclosed single car? $5000+

Oof. Thats a lot, what about an open Trailer? $3500

Dang, thats as much as the Porsche initially cost. Car dolly? $1500

Better, but lets be real, we don't want to dolly a car long distance, and depending on why the racecar can't drive itself home, a dolly might not be an option.

So to get a rig that can take us to and back from the track with car and gear, it's probably gonna be anywhere from $15,000-$20,000. What the hell? We thought this whole racing thing was supposed to be affordable. Now it's looking like we're gonna have to spend more money on transporting the racecars areound, than it cost to build the damn things in the first place!

But -there's always a but- we ain't no smooth-brains. We're big stronk...slighly inebriated, wrinkle-brains. So on a random night of intense Minecrafting, the perfect idea struck us, like broken wind from the dog sitting at the other end of the couch.

Yes, the solution to all the woes of us mortal car guys flexing the budget of Russian turnip farmers in the 1980s. A friggin school bus!

Allow me to introduce you:

At 39.75 feet in length, this 2001 Thomas School Bus is rated to carry up to 84 screaming crotch-goblins, and one fully American human adult. It is 8ft wide, just shy of 11ft tall, and rated at a max loaded weight of 31,000lbs. She thunders down the road comfortably at highway speeds to a tune you may well know, the classic six-piston suck, squeeze, bang, blow of the 5.9l, 24 valve Cummins diesel, cranking out a respectable 550ftlbs of torque in this configuration. All of this glory, this beast of burden, this metal monstrosity, this...massive mobile temple of magnificence was had for the low low price of JUST $6000!

Shout out to Dunn Motor Co in Greenbrier Tennessee. This was not some lucky Facebook Marketplace or Craigslist special. These guys sell buses like it regularly.

Now, the more adult-minded among you probably guessed that owning a school bus isn't as simple as owning a pickup truck. So what did it take for us to be able to drive this around casually? Well, it changes from state to state, but since we have this registered in Tennessee, I'll explain the process there.

Step 1. You have to register is as an RV. To do this in TN is quite simple, the name of the district the school bus belonged to has to be removed (e.g. the black rectangle on the side of the bus). After that, simply go to the DMV and declare you're registering the bus as a Private RV. Done! As a bonus, so long the bus is for private use, not business, you don't need a CDL to drive it. 

Step 2. Insurance. We made a mistake on this one so you might learn from it. Once the bus is registered as an RV, only ever refer to it as an RV when speaking to the insurance. Legally, there is no distinction between a manufactured RV, and a school bus which is now registered as an RV. However, the DIY nature of school bus conversions is something many insurance companies don't want to deal with. If you crash your bus, there's a good chance Joe Shmo didn't attach the countertop as securely as an RV manufacturer. It creates a bigger potential for damages. So places like Progressive will refuse to insure it if you mention its a converted school bus, and you'll be stuck trying to find a company that doesn't mind insuring them. Save yourself the trouble and just refer to it as what its legally registered as, an RV (Thomas RV, in our case). Ours is registered through Good Sam Insurance, and all they required was proof that the bus was already converted, or in the process of being converted into an RV. We sent a picture of the inside with all the seats removed, and that was sufficient proof that the conversion was underway.

Step 3. That's it. Enjoy your private school bus!

But Bongwater, you intellectual bastion of cultural advancement I hear you say. How the heck does owning a cheap school bus help with taking racecars to the track? Well, my minion of insatiable curiosity, cue the Doom track and pay close attention.

That's it, honestly. Cut the back of the cab off of this thing, and it ticks all the boxes. It can carry a car, spare parts, and all the tools we'll need to work in the pits, while still leaving enough space on the inside for living accommodations. Its the perfect rig for getting off work Friday, driving down to the track, and getting a good night's sleep for racing all day Saturday. And it does all of this for barely more than the price of an enclosed trailer for one car.

So without further ado, let's get into this build. 

First things first, there are trim pieces that need to be unbolted, and the rear heater needs to be removed. With the goal being low-tech and cheap, it's important we save as much as possible for potential reuse.

And this is where we get into all the noisy goodness and ritual sacrifice of many sawzall blades and cutting wheels.

It's definitely hard work. The metal of the bus seems too be stressed in all kinds of directions. Likely a result of the manufacturing process. The result was that blades were binding constantly, making progress slow. So much so that it even claimed the life of one of our tools.

Nevertheless, we were well past the point of no return. So we rested for the night and made for the final big push the next day.

And after just 3 days of hard work we were left with this magnificent machine!

To be frank, this is really all the work necessary to make the concept work. All it needs is a set of very long ramps that can be used to load and unload cars. Unsurprisingly, no place keeps 16ft ramps in stock, so a special order for them had to be placed, and they should arrive in a month or so. We ended up deciding to keep the roof in order to give the cars some shade and mild protection from the rain. It also looks more interesting, at least in my opinion.

With the bulk of the real work done, the next bit on the plate are some refinements. The sides where we cut the walls off left a lot of sharp metal which someone could get cut on.

In the rear, it was taken care of that by cutting metal from the sides we had removed, and welding them over the opening.

For the much longer sides, we took the old cableway covers

and just bolted them in place with self-tappers.

They're steel, and plenty strong for people to walk on without caving to the weight. Also saved a lot of time that would've been spent cutting and welding flat plates.

With a car in the way, you wouldn't be able to see the lights on the back wall of the bus, so some cheapie trailer lights were added to the bumper.

Wiring was simple. We never cut the harness going to the lights on the back of the bus. We just tucked away the excess. So wiring the lights was as simple as splicing into the existing ones and running wires all the way back.

Naturally, we didn't want a giant hole at the back of the bus, so the door had to be trimmed to fit again.

And before anyone asks, yes, it still opens normally.

Next, we heard about Springfest 2021. A yearly car show in Vrginia that had been canceled in 2020 due to Covid, and was expected to be absolutely huge this year. Naturally, we had a little something worth showing. But it wouldn't feel right to show up with a toy hauler, and no toy being hauled, so we had to find a way to get a car loaded, despite not having the ramps to do it.

Unfortunately, we both forgot to record the process. A tragic failure, given that it was rather funny. We spoke to a nearby grocery store and burrowed their loading bay in order to get one of the cars parked on the bus. Both the Porsche and the BMW are street legal, but the Bimmers license plate was stolen, and we don't have a replacement yet, so it was chosen to get parked atop the bus. Finally, we could see this rig in action!

Now some swag from This Guy Decals and Wraps to let people know who we are

And this machine is ready to confuse, amaze, and terrify traffic everywhere we go!

Which brings us to the here and now. This has been the story of our bus so far, and it's still got quite a ways to go. Besides the ramps we're waiting on, the wheels wells need to be reinforced to handle the weight of a car on top of them. When we tried parking the bimmer on them, they began to buckle in. Not a big deal, given that there is enough room behind the wheel wells to park the car comfortably.

The next item to tackle will be the interior. Wizard and I are not the kind of people who need much, so the interior won't be anything extravagant. Two couches so we each have places to sleep and lounge. A mini fridge for inspirational beverages. Some cabinets and countertops for storage and work. And an AC/Heater system for those hot days and cold nights. As this bus sits right now, the only extra money we've but in were for cutting tools, stickers, self-tapping screws, and the ramps. So whatever we do in the future will continue to follow the model of this being a low-tech and cheap.